Relationship Advice Blog

How to Adapt to your Significant Other

What is "squishy" you may ask? It's a word that my significant other had to add to his lexicon in order to understand certain aspects of me. It's a word that was passed to me from my mother, it basically means: extra comfy. Used in a sentence:

"oh man that was  a fun party, I can't wait to go home and get squishy and watch tv with some popcorn!" 

In the end, it's a pretty common word used in a slightly unique way that both me and my boyfriend can understand. Word choices, however, are the easiest things one must adapt to when getting to know your significant other. More complex things that one must adapt to is habits, fears, values, and motivators. This is not an opinion-frought post about asserting yourself in the relationship (that's for more advanced users). Rather, this is a simple guide to getting to know your partner so you can get to a deeper level of understanding at the outset, and build a relationship that lasts. 

1. Learn what makes them tick.

No one likes to be told what to do, especially not your partner. I suppose there is the strange contingent of guys who love being told what to do and are colloquially referred to as a "Momma's Boy". Side note: If you find yourself dating a Momma's boy, know that you may actually be a somewhat controlling, high-maintainence significant other and consider re-adjusting how you handle control.

Ticking of a clock
Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

ANYWAY... most people do not like being told what to do, or how to act, so it is important to learn what makes them tick when dating someone. This way later down the line you're suggesting change in a way that motivates, rather than forces. You can do this simply by observing how they handle normal every-day situations, such as driving for over an hour with just you two in the car, or deciding on a movie to watch. 

2. Prod them. Just a little bit.

Good. You've built a solid foundation of just 'hanging' with them, and your significant other has likely come to accept some of your more outward habituations as well. Now its time to prod. Introduce new and unfamiliar items or settings to your partner and watch how they react. Remember that nice long drive you took with them earlier? Watch how they react with no cell signal, and a good ol fashion map, sky and radio to navigate and entertain you two. Do they sing (rap) along to the radio happily? Do they complain about the situation loudly? Do they just stare silently ahead brooding internally? Or worse, do they lash out at you for somehow causing AT&T to determine that the swath of land you're driving through doesn't deserve cell service? How do they react?

Seeing them in these kind of situations is hard on them and you, but it's not going to make for a great relationship if you just pretend situations like these don't happen.    

3. Finally, adapt. 

Adapting like a chameleon
Photo Credit: www.taringa.net

Now this isn't time to 'fake it till you make it' but again, this isn't about calling them out for everything that bothers you right then and there, and asserting yourself as behaving in a 'correct' manner. This is where the middle-ground lives, adapting to their reactions and their habits to make hanging, chilling, co-habitating a peaceful and even joyous environment. My advice is to start by reacting in different ways to your partner and seeing which reactions is the most enjoyable for the both of you. If you're driving along in that boring car-ride,  and he/she starts complaining loudly, don't start blaming them for buying a T-mobile phone with pathetic service. Maybe that will make them unhappy. Instead, try laughing about the situation and tease them about the phone choices if you must say something. As long as you're actively trying to distance yourself from being someone that no one wants to hang out with, while speaking your mind and heart, you're in a good spot. 

It takes a little bit of time and a few wrong turns to successfully adapt to someone you like/love. There's also the strong possibility that you'll need to continue adapting as the relationship and the factors that affect it change. Grow with your partner, understand their weaknesses, understand how to address them, and change with them for the better over time. And be grateful when you recognize that they are adapting to you! 

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